July 14, 2022
“You need open heart surgery.”
That is something no 22-year-old ever wants or expects to hear.
The symptoms started earlier this year - high heart rate and occasional chest pain. Both my primary care doctor and cardiologist agreed, “You’re very healthy, it’s probably nothing to worry about.” Thankfully, their statements were followed up by a, “but… we are going to do some tests just in case.”
Somehow, despite knowing I was going to see a cardiac surgeon that day, hearing I need open heart surgery was a comment I least expected. Maybe I was naïve, but I truly didn’t understand the impact of that appointment. June, 2022, was the most absurd month of my life, since I learned about this health issue just two short weeks after getting laid off from my job. To say I was lower than low is an understatement.
It’s funny how lately my life has been full of “pre’s” and post’s” the last couple of years. Maybe that’s what growing up is. In the business world and in social settings, we hear “Pre-Covid” all the time. As in, “Pre-Covid we would do things this way.” And now we’re living in a “Post-Covid” world that’s not truly done with the disease, but we are trying to return to normal. In the beginning of June, I was living in a “Pre-Lay-Off” and “Post-Employment” world. Now I’m living in a “Pre-Appointment” and “Post-Appointment” world. I think anyone who has gotten frightening health news of any kind can relate to that. Some are living a “Pre-Death-Of-A-Loved-One”, and others, “Post-That-Unimaginable-Thing.” But, somehow, we are all walking around like we never experienced the "pre-" and the "post-" and living our simplistic lives each day.
This is part of the human experience. I do not want to focus on the bad changes in life, but rather how inspired and creative and loving and understanding I’ve become these past few weeks. Learning that the little things are everything, but don’t sweat the small stuff. That those little things that would bring me stress are not that important in the long run. To be grateful for everything, even without trying, because I know that God has a plan and a purpose. Good will come from this. I repeat that as a daily affirmation. I don’t believe in coincidences. I know God is all-powerful, and I know that he interweaves each and every one of our stories together to create His Will. It's no coincidence, you clicked on this link and are reading this for a reason.
I may not be able to control the things that happen to me. No one can. But I can control how I choose to look at the situation. I started reading articles about having a “God-View” or a “World-View.” Having a “God-View” or viewing the world as if it were God’s Creation and His hand is on everything, has been my only focus the past few weeks. I am choosing to be thankful for everything I have, the doors opened and closed, and everything that got me here. I think on Colossians 1:17, which says, “He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.” This is part of a letter Paul wrote to Coloasse, as a way to explain how and why to be a follower of Jesus. On the other hand, having a “World-View” is kind of like having a “Why-Me-View” or “It’s-All-About-Me-View,” to put it bluntly. I've been there. I think we all have. But now, by following Jesus, I see the world through a greater purpose in knowing it’s not all about me. God doesn’t make mistakes. Everything that is happening is all according to His purpose. When people ask why I follow Jesus, the answer is this: despite hearing this devastating, shocking, and terrifying health news, I have been filled with more joy than ever before. I'm now with a job I truly enjoy - where I am appreciated and feel like I'm finally finding my place. The credit goes to God and trusting that He has it all under control.
When I think about the universe, I know I am so incredibly small, as the NASA photos that came out this week would confirm, but God wants a personal relationship with me anyway. He wants to guide me through this. He wants to communicate with me daily, and not just in a church or during a worship song.
I have no idea what the future holds. All I know is that God is in control, and boy, that takes the pressure off. I don’t have to try and handle this on my own. I don’t need to know why this is happening, but I need to walk in faith knowing that God’s got my back. I hope this blog finds anyone struggling with any big life changes. For anyone “Post-Health-Crisis” or “Post-Getting-Laid-Off” or “Post-Terrible-Human-Experience,” I would encourage you to turn to God. Give Him all your worries and pain, and He will show up in ways you never expect. You will start to see Him in every day or moment - whether it’s through signs or a conversation with a friend or a feeling, there are no coincidences.
But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign LORD my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do. - Psalm 73:28 (NLT)
With love,
Lindsey
Lindsey, just got off the phone with your dad. We shared many stories and he reminded me of your heart story. WOW! I remembered praying for you and your dad. I also had open heart surgery in 2019. Love your thoughts and transparency. To God be the glory!
Rob
Lindsey,
This was incredibly encouraging for me. Thank you for sharing from your heart.
Your journey is an indication that GOD's power is working through you. As Paul said, when I am weak, GOD is strong. You have experienced this as a reality.
May your testimony change many lives for years to come.
When the time is right, I would love to have you share your story with a few people. Its an incredible testimony of how GOD heals us physically, emotionally, relationally and spirtually.
We will continue to pray for you and with you. May GOD completely heal you. May GOD do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask, think, or imaging in your life.
Andre' Kennebrew (A…
Lindsey,
We are so very proud of you! We join you in Praising God for a successful surgery but even more for how you have trusted Him through it all. I am so proud of the women you’ve become and excited to see how your testimony will impact many lives in the future. You are an inspiration to us all, I love you!
Dad
Lindsey,
First off congratulations on a good surgery and happy you are doing better. This is Matt Sparr we went to high school together, I was a grade above you and was friends with your boyfriend tanner. I don’t know if you remember this but I had my second open heart surgery in 2013 when I was a sophomore at NGHS. Your message is amazing and very positive, which is very hard to be with such a critical event suddenly happening. You will definetly have hard times dealing with this and you will also have good times. Always remember that there are people there for you that will do anything to help you. You do not have to go through…
Lindsey, Terri and I have been praying for you and we know that God is in control. He knew the news you received in June when you were conceived. He knew what he was going to do and how this was going to draw you closer to him. As you said, he is in complete control and his plans are far better than we can even imagine. Continue to seek him in all aspects of your life and he will continue to open/close doors on his time, according to his plan. May He continue to bless, protect, heal and lead you! He is an awesome God!!