July 18, 2022
Today I had a CT scan to get some answers on what type of surgery I will need and when it will occur. August 16th. Less than a month away. I’m happy there is a date on the calendar, but my stomach churns when I think about the procedure itself. I learned that I will not only need my aortic valve replaced, but also my ascending aorta. I’m grateful this doctor is willing to knock out both of these tasks at once, and it’s looking like I’ll only need to be opened up again in 20 years or so. No biggie.
I’ve reflected on the past month, and how quickly life can change. I know I am in a much better place than I was when I was first hearing the news. Today, myself and my family came into the appointment armed with a million questions, and the surgeon was gracious in answering them all. I’ve been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from family, friends, and people I barely know. Many people tell me they’ve been praying for me, and I appreciate every single one.
I also learned today that I’ve likely had this condition since birth. I was born with a bicuspid valve instead of a tricuspid valve. Essentially, my the valve doesn’t open and close properly, so my heart works double-time to get blood flowing through my body. Which explains why my heart rate goes over 150 bpm just from walking up the stairs. There’s no obvious reason for this, since no other family members share this defect, but it’s crazy to think that facing this in my life was inevitable. Whether I was having this surgery now or later in life (possibly after a heart attack), it would still happen either way. I thought about Jeremiah 1:5 which says,
“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)
Though that second part applies directly to Jeremiah as a prophet to the nations, we can learn that God has a plan and a calling for all of us.
I’ve found comfort in this idea of destiny. I’ve discovered purpose in it. I don’t know what this purpose is yet, whether sharing my story with one person or in this blog or becoming an advocate for others, I’m not sure of the outcome. I do know it’s not for nothing, and I love that. That‘s what everyone is searching for, right? Something that’s not for nothing?
Again, part of that lovely human experience.
With God, we will never have all the answers, and that’s okay. I can’t predict the future, but I choose to take comfort in knowing that God has my future in His hands. Knowing that He is crafting my purpose from this experience. We all face choices every day. In the face of this mountain in front of me, I’m choosing joy. Joy in time spent with family and friends. Joy in every encouraging message. Joy in waking up each day, knowing I can use it for God's glory.
Choose joy, and find it in the little moments every day.
With love,
Lindsey
Comments